JIMMY’S TAKE on the Real Olympic GAMES


on the Real Olympic GAMES

Let’s face it, we all love the idea of the Olympics. Supposed peace and harmony during these so called “games”. Sure, we all enjoy the dedication, determination, and all the other -ations that go with it. Hmm.. N-ation. Hey maybe that can be the new N-word. Nation. Allow me to use it in a few sentences…

What’s up my Nation? Das my Nation, right there yo!! F*@k dat Nation! Nation please…

I have to admit that made this Nation laugh out loud. Hehehe, Nation’s Capitol, United Nations, and Bitch Nations. HAHAHA!! My bad, Nations be getting distracted and all. Back on point. The 2012 London Olympics is about half way through, what have I learned so far from these peaceful games other than nobody can top the 2008 Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony. Look at the logo of the 2012 London Olympics, at the end of this blog I’ll tell you what I think of it.

Sure you can say that it’s because they are a Communist country and they are forced to do it or face the firing line. Wait, that’s still not the point that I was trying to make. So why do I keep wasting your time with this filler crap. Well, I have a word count minimum so… Let me get all of this bogus Olympic crap off of my chest and then get to the point of the REAL Olympic Games. Medals, Courage, Heart, Struggle, Celebrities, Competition, Pride… Okay, now let’s get to business. The Olympics that I really wanted to get to know, not the Games but the…

No, I’m not talking about competing in Sex Games, but I have been told that I have pretty good stamina for a big boy and I do show a desire that might only be matched by Sandusky at a Pee Wee football camp for the Penn State Nittany Cubs. Okay, that went dark. Said boy number 12. Ouch. I am not talking about competing with your boys to see who can get the most girls or phone numbers or competing against your girlfriend or wife to see who can come… in first place.

I am talking about the Olympic Village needing about 100,000 condoms for the 10,000 young men and women at the Olympic games that are staying at the Olympic Villages. The cool thing about the Olympic Village is that the outside world isn’t allowed in there. Athletes and coaches only, about 10,000 of them. Which looks like this:

10,000 of these

using 100,000 of these

in only

I did the math by the way. On average one man will ejaculate 10 ml of semen. Let’s say that all 100,000 condoms were used… successfully. That would equal to 1,000,000 ml of semen released into the Olympic Village. Which could be an Olympic AND World record during the two weeks. For people who need me to break it down even more. That’s 264 Gallons of semen. Way more than the amount of gallons of milk that you would find in the grocery store.

Keep looking lady.

Now, about 300,000,000 sperm swimmers are unleashed during each race. Meaning there is at least 30 TRILLION sperm cells being expelled during the 2012 London Olympics.


My point, about 10,000 of the most fit, most super human, and some good looking people are in London during the Olympics having protected sex in the Village while billions of average and worst are out there in the world having unprotected sex and procreating. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t we be forced to wear condoms and or maybe not be able to have another version of us in the next generation of human beings? Maybe we should have these athletes have sex without condoms and make bigger, faster, and stronger human beings for the future. Of course we would teach them how to read and whatnot. But, let’s build the human race with these super humans so that when the aliens do come and attack we have a fighting chance. Because that’s what the Olympics is really about. Fighting alieans.

If an alien attacked right now and we needed somebody to jump up and grab the weapon to defeat the aliens and it just so happened to be ten feet up in the air, will you be able to reach it? Neither will I. But, I know Kobe Bryant can. Imagine him mixing DNA with a swimmer. I wonder if he already is…. Hmm…

2 Gold Medalists. Kobe and Aussie Swimmer Stephanie Rice

Kobe gets me!!

Maybe he should try some of the other hot athletes in the Olympics. Like:

or Michelle Jenneke

or Yulia Koltunova. It’s a long video but you don’t have to watch the whole thing.

These are just tips of the icebergs. Hehehe. Sorry, in my head I’m thinking of nipples on the top of iceberg lettuce. Damn, no picture of that. Anyways, maybe that’s the problem with the world today. We keep mixing shitty DNA when we should be mixing the cream of the crop. Inside joke if you ever listened to the GUYS WITH ISSUES Comedy Podcast or went to the episode 29 post or page and saw the Randy Macho Man Savage video. OH YEEEAH!! Survival of the fittest, lucky for us we outnumber these athletes and are smarter than them. Case in point:

Ryan Lochte is not that sharp

Thank you for your time and please remember to check out our podcast at GUYS WITH ISSUES, Hawaii’s Own Comedy Podcast. Enjoy these last few pics and take a look at the logo on the top again. Is it me or is it an abstract art thing of two cartoon characters doing it? Hmm… ENJOY YOURSELVES!!


About MarsComedy 235 Articles
Guys With Issues is a comedy podcast based in Honolulu, Hawaii. Three comedians chat in a round table style forum and discuss current events, various issues, and comedic segments with a number of celebrity guests stopping in for a visit.

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