An Open Letter To A Scumbag Parent

Dear Scumbag Parents,

I know a lot of people will think that me saying “Scumbag” is taking this a bit too far, but seriously, watch your fucking kids. I saw you Mrs. Parent talking to the other parent as you watched your kids run a muck in the Dole canary food court. We all did. We watched as you continually ignored your kids cries of glee and freedom as if they just escaped from the evil that is Shawkshank Prison. I suppose it would have been okay had it been 1 or 2 kids running around like a chicken without a head. But, there was AT LEAST 8 of them! Kids! Running around a food court. No supervision! Watch your fucking kids. We did. Who is We? The “WE” that I am referring to, are the folks that take our lunch breaks down at the food court. The middle class. Some of us, the working poor. The last thing we need to see is unsupervised kids running around while their parents/guardians have a grand old time talking the latest gossip. Was talking about Kristen Stewarts affair with the director something that needed immediate hyper focus and attention? No. Watch your fucking kids! I believe the final act of this calamity came when you decided that it would be delightful if your kids ran up and down on the escalator. It’s not a toy you know? But, those darn kids acted like it was one. Up and down, up and down. Chasing each other up and down the escalator. All the while you are foolishly ignoring them like a guy with a huge mole on his face. Watching your kids reminded me of this scene in Mallrats.

It took someone to complain to the security guard and have him tell the kids not to ride up and down the escalator for you to get up and stop the shenanigans. You waited till someone else had to do your job before you actually did yours? Then you prononce to the world that you told the children they could go up and down ONCE! Instant vindication right? Wrong!

I’m not a parent, but it doesn’t take one to know how to manage and supervise children in public. Talk and watch, it’s not hard to do. They do the talk and watch a lot in the porno’s you know? You ask me, I send you link. You could have prevented the shame brought upon your tribe today. You could have been the Smokey Bear of disorderly kids. You had a choice to be an attentive guardian, a watchful protector, a dark knight. But, you chose to be a scumbag parent. Seriously, next time, watch your fucking kids!

TL;DR Watch Your Fucking Kids!

About MarsComedy 235 Articles
Guys With Issues is a comedy podcast based in Honolulu, Hawaii. Three comedians chat in a round table style forum and discuss current events, various issues, and comedic segments with a number of celebrity guests stopping in for a visit.

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